Top 5 Snobs We All Hate

First of all, I’d like to give quick hello and welcome to my new readers. Whether you found me on Freshly Pressed, your friends told you about it, or you just stumbled randomly onto my blog, I appreciate your readership and I look forward to giving and receiving some virtual high 5’s.

Now for the reason we’re all here. Today is Friday which means it’s Friday Top 5 time! I’ve decided this week we will showcase some people that 99% of the population can’t stand. They’re snobs. And not snobs because they’re rich. But snobs because they love something so much that you’re an idiot for not loving it like they do. So let’s get it started.

5. “I’m too busy reading to watch TV” Snobs –

Listen, I get reading. I finally started reading this past summer and I love it. That being said, I’ve been watching TV for 26 years and I love it more than the day I started. I don’t watch as much TV as I used to but I still have about 10 shows a week that I DVR. And as a TV person, I’m always curious what other people are watching and what they think of my shows. One night at a bar some girl made a statement that made gag and vomit at the same time. That’s right, I was gavomitting.

“I don’t own a TV, I read books.”

Here’s the thing, you all know how to read this too. She didn’t say it politely or sweetly. She said it with poison in her voice. Like I’m the scum of the earth for owning a TV and I should be wiped off her floor with a Swifter WetJet Mop. You know what lady? You’re the worst and there’s no two ways about it. (I’ve literally never used that saying before until now. Me – 1, Underdeveloped Vocabulary – 0). What kind of psychopath doesn’t like TV? That’s almost as bad as not liking bacon. Speaking of not liking bacon…

4. Vegetarian/Vegan Snobs –

There’s actually two kinds of these snobs that bother me.

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re a vegetarian, all the power to you. I don’t know how you can go without a nice ribeye or a McDouble, so good for you. But here’s where we start to have a problem – when I’m the bad guy for eating meat. Listen Mr. Berkenstocks, I don’t get mad at you for eating kelp, so don’t get mad at me for eating that cow over there.

The other vegetarians that make me want to go drink a steak smoothie are the people that say, “Meat is disgusting.” Is there a dumber statement than that? And not just because they’re out of their minds either. I mean granted, there is nothing better in this world than bacon. NOTHING. Bacon makes everything better, no questions asked. But also because there’s no way they’ve eaten every meat in the world. And even if they had, they’re just being stubborn little d-bags if they say they’re all bad. You would think someone was nuts if they said, “All movies are bad,” or “All pictures of Winnie from the Wonder Years are ugly.” So why is it acceptable to say, “All meat is disgusting.” Speaking of meat being disgusting…

3. Too Cool For School (And/or Everything) Snobs – AKA Hipsters –

First of all, yes I know that was the all-time worst segue into anything ever and I’m proud of it!  K so back to hipsters. Listen, I know people have written about them til the cows came home, and yes they did come home, mostly because they were so sick of looking at those idiotic mustaches, they’re stupid bright colored skinny jeans, they’re disgust towards you for having any sort of emotion about anything ever, and they’re freaking scarves! OMG Those scarves, it’s 90 degrees out, your neck is dripping wet, yet you stick to your stupid, pathetically skinny guns, and keep that stupid scarf on! AHhhh!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10… Ok and I’m relaxed again. Moving on…

2. The “I drive a ferrari, date models, have an 8 pack, own 3 houses and a villa, and I smell like liquid awesome” Snobs –

Okay that might just be a little jealousy but whatever.

and the Number 1 Snob That We All Hate…

1. Apple Snobs –

Everyone knows at least one of them. Let me paint you a mind picture. White ear bud headphones in 24/7. iTouch, iPhone, iPad  in his messenger bag at all times. That iPad he just had in his messenger back 3 seconds ago? He just threw it in a lake because the newer version is out and he’s running to get it right now. He’s got his Mac Book Air connected to his ultra thin wireless keyboard and mouse and he sits down at night to watch his Apple TV which is seamlessly synced to his iTunes, iPhone, iPad, MacBook, and his iToilet. And somehow, he’s got a date tonight with Siri.

We get it, you like Apple products. We get it, Apple products don’t get viruses. We get it, they’re sleek and hip. We get it, they put on cool webcasts that you skip work to watch and find out how the new OS is going to change your life. You know what Sir Douchealot, no one cares. People care as much about your love for Apple as people still care about Occupy Wall Street. In case you’re not sure, that would be not at all. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Wow… okay I need to just breathe a little bit. I just got so fired up with hatred writing that. I need to go play with a puppy or something. Don’t forget to sign up to get these posts in your email.

46 responses

  1. I LOVEEEEE this list!

    March 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

    • haha thanks. it was a tough one to write because i kept wanting to punch people.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

  2. I can never tell whose a hipster and whose homeless when I’m walking on Newbury Street (According to your bio, you’re from Boston, so I made a sweet nostalgic/geography joke). I wish I was the awesome version of #2. The kind that doesn’t tell anyone they are super awesome because they are super humble and super grateful.

    March 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

    • haha i appreciate that. I felt at home for juse a second. Hey, you’re a #2 in my book all the way. Haha that didn’t come out right.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

  3. My nephew’s birthday is this weekend. My vegan sister let him get a pinata but it had to be a guitar pinata because you shouldn’t hit animals.

    Not kidding.

    Love this!

    March 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

    • haha that is amazing. I changed the snob from vegetarian, to vegetarian/vegan just so I could use this comic

      March 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

      • Did you know that vegans don’t eat jelly beans? How is there meat in a jelly bean?

        April 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm

      • technically vegans don’t eat anything that even comes from animals so maybe there’s some chicken fat in them or something! who knows! they’re crazy.

        April 1, 2012 at 6:45 pm

      • It’s made with gelatin.

        “Gelatin is a protein substance derived from collagen, a natural protein present in the tendons, ligaments, and tissues of mammals.”

        And yes they are crazy.

        April 1, 2012 at 7:02 pm

  4. i know whats with people and Apple…? its really weird and funny and annoying

    March 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    • I don’t know but I love to make fun of it.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

  5. Great post and thanks for the welcome. I am one of the newbies who found you on Freshly Pressed yesterday. I have no idea what the hell that is, I guess just a spotlight on random blog post but yours made me laugh so I stuck around.

    Mine will be up and running soon. =)

    Have a great weekend.

    March 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    • Thanks so much. that’s great, I can’t wait to check it out.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

  6. I just read your post about not being an adult and then read this one— this is how it starts! I am 28 and I remember the day I went to the mall and saw this girl with those dipshit feathers in her hair and instead of wondering where I could get some, thought “I wonder how much her mom paid for THOSE.” it’s a slippery slope from here to Get Off My Lawn. But seriously kids, enough with those fucking mustaches.

    March 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    • haha that’s awesome. it sure is a slippery slope.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:53 pm

  7. omg i would’ve gavomitted too! dude needs to make one of those books a TV guide and get with the program! **virtual high 5**?

    March 30, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    • haha seriously! figure it out bro. And Boom! ***virtual high 5*** right back at you!

      March 30, 2012 at 10:53 pm

  8. Wow, I’m not doing so well here; I don’t own a tele and I’m a vegetarian. I probably sound even worse if I admit that I do watch panel programmes and current affairs documentaries on ABC iview. And if I mention that I remember meat tasting really great, but I made a choice based on the unethical nature of the meat industry. Haha, while we’re on a roll, I don’t ever eat from commercial chains like Maccas or KFC etc, either. I should probably stop sharing at this point. I think these choices should all be personal ones. For that reason, they’re topics I never bring up in polite company. I’ve gotta say, in my experience it’s typically people on the other end of the spectrum who feel it’s necessary to broach these subjects. We could only speculate as to why that might be…

    March 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    • See I have no problem with any of that. It’s totally your choice and I can appreciate that. It’s when those choices make you a better person than me in your eyes because TV is evil and ish like that. I’m down with everyone living their life their own way, just as long as you don’t think your better than me for it.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

  9. Don’t worry it’s not just you who dislikes hipsters. I think everyone hates them except hipsters themselves, or they might. Hating themselves could be really in right now.

    Also I second the vegetarian thing. They are missing out and they know it. They just always pretend that their salads taste so much better than my plate of ribs to throw me off.

    Definitely loved this, thanks for a great Friday read.

    March 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    • Hahah That’s awesome. Hipsters are definitely going to be into hating hipsters pretty soon.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

  10. Ms. McLean

    I’ll bet you never thought your blog would be somebody’s guilty pleasure (mine) . You are hilarious and mean. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh………

    March 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    • Actually…I was talking to my friend yesterday and I said to him, Hey I bet you $10 tomorrow Ms. McLean will tell me my blog is her guilty pleasure! What are the odds!

      March 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

      • Ms. McLean

        Glad you won that ten bucks! 😉

        March 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

  11. The Apple snobs, hahaha brilliant!

    March 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

  12. angelsail

    Haha. I love the Appletard the most. I do have an iPhone, but my love for Apple stops there. I just can’t depart from my love of the P.C.

    I don’t watch that much T.V., but I still watch it. I recently cancelled my cable though. I only ever watch Jeopardy at 6:00 and then I watch Biggest Loser. I usually flip through other shows whenever I’m at the gym as they have a full cable package. Mostly though, I stick to TV shows on Netflix or on DVD. Currently, I’m watching the show called Borgia from Showtime. Love it.

    March 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    • I’m the same way, lots of NetFlix and illegal tv websites.

      March 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

  13. you are absolutely TOO funny…please do not EVER stop blogging!!!

    March 31, 2012 at 11:36 am

    • Done! As long as you don’t stop reading.

      March 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

  14. I just started following you a few days ago, and I’m not sure we’re off to the best start! I’ve been a strict vegetarian for over three years now and haven’t had television for about seven years. I would hope that you wouldn’t instantly write me off as a snob for these reasons! Everyone has their personal preferences and for the record, some people do genuinely dislike the taste of meat. I’ve been that way my whole life and being a vegetarian is a no-brainer for me. Just as some people hate brussel sprouts and find it incredibly easy to avoid eating them, our taste buds are all programmed differently I guess. I do understand where you are coming from disliking people who have a “holier than thou” mentality because of reasons like this. Variety is the spice of life and it’s our differences that make us interesting.

    March 31, 2012 at 11:57 am

    • Exactly, I have absolutely no problem with the choices people make. You could love every Apple product ever and I’d be fine with it. It’s when those choices which clearly go against the grain of society make you better than us simply because they go against the grain of society. Trust me, we can be besties for ever, I’m okay with it, as long as you don’t think less of me for watching TV, that’s all.

      March 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

      • Its a known fact that everyone hates brussel sprouts.

        April 1, 2012 at 6:29 pm

  15. Now I feel like getting a mcdouble & then going home to eat bacon while watching tv & using my blackberry without a scarf on & thinking about how it would be nice to be able to own a house & a car & have a hot date. Completely agree with everything you said!

    March 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    • hahaha that sounds like an amazing day, I’ll join u!

      March 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

  16. I just stumbled upon this list and I love it because it’s so true. And sadly, I often find that several if not all 5 of this characteristics are often combined in one person. It just makes me hate the person that much more.

    So now I’m going to watch some TV, eat a burger, and surf the Internet on my Droid and/or my PC laptop. Maybe all at the same time.

    March 31, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    • haha thanks! That’s very true, these snobs are often overlapping and it makes exponentially worse.

      April 1, 2012 at 8:09 am

  17. I love TV! never understood people who don’t watch at least some shows.

    April 2, 2012 at 8:56 pm

  18. Hahaha. Your blog makes me laugh because you sound so American. Don’t get me wrong, we’re hating on hipsters etc here too (South Africa) it just makes me laugh. Like the myths we hear about you all being carnivores are true 🙂

    April 5, 2012 at 7:37 am

    • I feel like that started off as a compliment but it didn’t end that way. All humans are carnivores, some just choose not to live that way.

      But as long as I’m making you laugh, that’s all that really matters to me.

      April 5, 2012 at 9:32 am

  19. Pingback: Top 5 Ways To Make My Day The Worst Ever « It's Your World, I'm Just Living In It

  20. I’m bummed. Apparently I’m a snob. 😦 I am a total apple freak. That’s okay though- my iPhone comes with an app for de-snobbibg ones self. 😉 I love your blog, (even though you called me a snob).

    April 21, 2012 at 3:31 am

    • haha they have an app for everything! you’re the one exception to the rule. everyone but you is a snob, i forgot to mention that.

      April 23, 2012 at 9:20 am

      • lol PERFECT, thank you! HAHAHA.

        April 23, 2012 at 9:48 am

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