Twitter: Eliminate Stupidity, Add an Application Process

As a marketing/social media professional, I look at some of these new communications platforms and see some great opportunities. Red Bull ran an awesome contest featuring the new timeline format of the Facebook pages. Jell-O ran a crazy promotion on Twitter which actually gaged the overall happiness level of the Twittersphere. The opportunities for businesses are endless and seeing these new innovations is one of the best things about being in social media.

That being said, I think it’s time we fix Twitter. It has become the place where a person’s every thought is listed out for the world to see. Before Twitter, if you were watching Chris Brown present at the Grammy’s and wanted to make a joke about letting him hit you, you’d just think it, or say it to your friends in the room.

Now, thanks to Twitter, we’ve got a whole country that willingly and happily announces to the world that they’re idiots. The problem here is the immediacy. You can Tweet something ridiculous in 12 seconds. No time to think about whether this is something you should forever imprint on the internet, not to mention whether or not anyone even cares about it.

Now don’t get me wrong. I think Twitter is amazing. It has created opportunities for brands and marketing professionals to make personal connections with fans like never before. The promotion possibilities are endless and always garner huge success because of the popularity of this platform.

But come on people! Get your act together. 

What ever happened to not trying to embarrass yourself in public? Wasn’t that a thing once? Twitter has made being/sounding like/looking like/acting like an idiot perfectly acceptable and much easier to achieve than ever before. I mean, just google “Stupid Tweets” and you get over 300,000 results. Hundreds of websites which purely exist to showcase the idiocy and ignorance of Twitter users around the globe.

Personally, I don’t believe in aliens, but if I did, here’s how I think the situation would be playing out right now. As of now, humans look pretty good. We’ve built a ton of cool stuff which those aliens can see from space. We’ve got bombs the size of Mark Zuckerberg’s yacht (I have no proof he has a yacht, I’m just assuming). We’re sitting pretty at this point. But, I guarantee, the first alien race that gains access to Twitter and see’s what our population is really made up of, will be taking over our world faster than Party Rock Anthem did.

For the sake of the your own personal image as well as the continuation of the human race, I think Twitter should be revamped. You should have to apply for a Twitter account. It would be really simple. Just answer a few questions.

  • What is your most commonly tweeted character.      The exclamation point.      Rejected.
  • From where do you usually tweet?      My couch.      Rejected.
  • Are you an idiot?      Yes.      Rejected. Thanks for your honesty.
  • Do you think about what your tweeting at all?       No.      Rejected. 
  • Do you talk trash like your on a middle school playground?       Yes.      Rejected. 
  • Do you brag about smokin dat sticky icky ooooweee.      Yes.      Rejected.
  • Do you follow Justin Bieber?      Yes.      Rejected, Banned, Public Shaming Scheduled. 

Seven questions. Seven questions and we can make this world just a little better. Just imagine what Twitter would look like after putting this in place? Granted, its 350 million users would probably drop to about 20 million but still. Just imagining a Twitter world like that puts a smile on my face.

I know you have come across things on Twitter that have annoyed you as well. It’s okay to share them here. This is a safe space.

2 responses

  1. you forgot to question, : do you know how to use hashtags? no, rejected

    May 8, 2012 at 1:09 am

  2. Loving your post – ha!

    May 8, 2012 at 7:08 pm

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