Welcome back to the Friday Top 5. Today we will discuss my car, a 1998 Ford Explorer. More specifically, we’ll discuss why it is time I need a new car.
5. Check Engine Light 24/7
Seriously, I’ve had this car since August of 2008. The check engine light has been on since September of 2008. I sometimes am curious why it’s on but finding out usually causes more grief than just letting it sit there and be annoying. Last time I had it checked out, there were 6 things setting it off. 6! I’ve even seen that thing blink at me. I’m not sure if it’s starved for attention or if it there is something seriously wrong with my car. Either way its time for that light and this car to go.
4. I Spend More On Gas Than I Do On Food
That is honestly not a lie at all. I can get by right now at around $80 every two weeks for groceries and be content. I have to put $20 bucks in that thing every 2-3 days. By the time I am done with this car, I will have paid its first two years of college tuition. That’s right. My Explorer is majoring in Art History. Talk about throwing money down the drain. It doesn’t help that I have to drive 40 minutes into the mountains 6 days a week to work. I pin the gas pedal, and literally don’t accelerate at all, probably getting about 2.1 miles to the gallon.
3. My Door Doesn’t Lock
That’s right. My driver side door doesn’t lock. For any would-be thieves out there, don’t even bother. I don’t keep anything valuable in my car any more. You know why? Because one of you jerks already came by and swiped anything worth any value in there. Thanks again. I’m sure whatever homeless guy ganked my stuff is having a blast carrying around my 30 lb fishing tackle box.
2. The Million Tiny Problems That Continue To Multiply Every Day
I swear, when I’m not around. All of my car’s problems get drunk, hook up, and give birth to dozens of little baby problems. To name a few,
- One of my seat belts doesn’t work
- My rear wiper doesn’t work
- My seat won’t lean forward any more
- The handle on the back hatch sticks
- My side view mirror won’t move
- My middle console broke
Trust me, there’s more I’d love to tell you about but this is getting embarrassing.
And the number 1 reason I Need a New Car…
1. I Had To Install A Separate Switch To Turn On My Radio And It’s Killing Me!
One day before starting my cross country drive from Boston to Denver, my radio stopped working. It wasn’t getting any power and it turned out that the wiring had corroded or fell apart, or just ran away from the car. I’m not really sure but either way, I had to fix it. The only fix was to hard wire the radio directly to the battery. Problem is, if I did that it would run all the time and kill my battery so I installed a separate switch for the radio. It’s all well and good, and kind of makes me feel like a pilot when I switch it on. In fact, I’ve started saying rudders up and rudders down when I flip it on/off to really bring that pilot vibe to life.
But here’s the rub. Sometimes if I get a phone call, I do the natural thing and turn my radio down. BIG MISTAKE. Without the volume on, there’s no reminder to shut off my radio when I get out of my car. This is the reason I have, on three separate occasions, gone out to my car in the morning to go to work and found my car unable to start due to a dead battery! I’m sick and tired of having to say “rudders down,” every time I get out of my car!
Now I realize you’re probably thinking that I just sound whiney, complaining about my car and all. And… well you’re right. And I’m okay with it. If you’d like to help me with this problem and happen to have a 2012 Ford 150 that you’re selling for under $1,000, I’d love to talk to you. Hit me up!
Thanks for checking out the Friday Top 5. Keep reading and sharing!
This is the first installment of the Friday Top 5 series. Enjoy!
Oh Facebook, how you have changed the world. Facebook has changed more than just the world though, it has also changed the definition of friend. According to Facebook, the word friend is now defined as “anyone you have ever met before…ever.” This is the main reason that it is so easy/fun to defriend people. Now, I don’t usually defriend people on a whim. It almost always comes after several major Facebook infractions have been made. Here’s my Top 5 reasons I’m going to defriend you.
5. Be someone I never cared about and never will.
Now to be honest, this isn’t the persons fault per say. I may have friended him/her on a whim or he/she may have friended me because we went to high school together. No matter how it happened, its clear we’re not friends nor will we ever be so go away! This also carries over to friend requests. If you’re requesting me just because we went to school together, that sheesh ain’t gonna fly. We’re not friends, let’s not pretend we are. Instead, let’s just call it what it is. We’re acquaintances at most! So, until Facebook allows you to Acquaintance someone, just leave me alone.
Now here’s when we get into it being your fault.
4. Give me life lessons in your status updates.
Just stop. Stop trying to make it seem like you’re wise. Stop pretending that people read your status and think, “Yup, she really nailed it. I think I’ll turn my life around today. Thanks random person I met once at a party 6 years ago.”
3. Like Everything I do.
Everyone has one person like this. No matter what you post – a picture, link, video, status update, change your marital status, new friend, etc. – they Like it. You know what’s ironic here, I DON’T LIKE THAT YOU DO THAT. I mean, how creepy can you get. Can you imagine if I just followed you around every day and whenever you did anything, I said, “Hey man, I like that!” Not only that, but you cheapen the Like button every time you do that. There’s no way that you can Like everything I do, it’s impossible. Unless you are simply impressed that I learned how to update my status or that I didn’t forget how to change my profile pic. Maybe I’m just impressing you with my infinite knowledge of the book. Either way, back off!
2. Invite Me To Apps I Will Never Care About
Mob wars? Really? Is it still 2003. High School Year Book app? What the hell do you think Facebook is!? Just stop it! How could you possibly think that I’d be interested in this. Here’s a rule of thumb for inviting friends to apps.
If, and only if, you add an app and use it every day for a month and still enjoy it, then you can invite me.
Because odds are, you’ll be tired of that app before I even have a chance to respond to your request. The fact that you think I’d enjoy this shows just how little you know me and is 100% proof we shouldn’t be friends in real life or in fake life.
And the number 1 way to get defriended on Facebook?
1. Post “Sexy” Pictures of Yourself in the Mirror
It can’t be any more straight forward than that. Kissy face in the mirror in your bikini? Defriended. Rippling abs with your shirt pulled up half way in the mirror? Defriended. I don’t remember, is this the JerseyShoreBook or Facebook? NO ONE CARES. No one is really saying “daayyyaammmmm” when they see your pasty body all over their news feeds. They’re saying “Really, random girl I went to middle school with who now lives in Brockton and is a server at Friendly’s, you thought that was a good idea?” As for the guys, it may be a little jealousy but that’s neither here nor there. Either way, put your mega deep v back on all the way, and go get your jager bomb on.
If you’re reading this, and you have been defriended by me in the past, I hope you understand now why I did it. That’s all for today’s Friday Top 5. Don’t forget to signup and get these posts in your email.