Posts tagged “zack morris

Apparently My Blog = “Gay Aging Porn Stars With Mustaches”

So as part of the WordPress analytics, which I think are amazing, they track all of the places where your visitors come from. Most of mine are from Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress. Once in a while, I’ll get a google search for “Adam T blog” or “It’s your world,” but today, I got a bomb dropped on me. 

Seriously? I don’t even know what to say about this. I mean, traffic is traffic but I am seriously concerned. I think the biggest question that comes to mind is whether or not my blog was actually what this guy was looking for? Like, did he search that, find my website and think to himself, “That’s the one! Google, you have done it again you sly son of a gun!”  More importantly, is this the audience that is reading my blog, fans of aging gay porn stars with mustaches?

I guess there’s only one way to find out.

It’s not like a write about mustache clad porn stars all the time. Unlike my other blog, www.MustacheCladPornStars.org where that’s all I talk about, I barely ever write about them on It’s Your World! I mean one time I write about porn mustaches and I become the king of “gay aging porn stars with mustaches!”  You know what else is perplexing? Where the hell did “gay” and “aging” coming from?!  Now you’re just twisting my words and I won’t stand for it. 

I think one of the most amazing things about this whole situation is that this guy must have been doing a serious deep dive into this Google search. I mean, I went through the first 20 pages of google when I searched this and my blog was no where to be found. I would’ve kept going but my eyes were starting to burn after reading some of the titles of the pages I was passing. BTDubs, who knew gay guys loved Twinkies so much.

I mean, there’s got to be an easier way to find my blog than to troll through dozens of porn sites dedicated to old gay mustachioed men. But, as I said earlier, traffic is traffic, and if this is what has to be searched for my blog to get big than so be it!  All I can do is thank you for reading and hope you’ll follow and share.

Oh and just for fun. Here are just a few more interesting google searches that for some unknown reason have produced my blog as a result:

  • guys says something girls get mad girls do something wrong girls get mad” – uhh… what?
  • “u talking on my back because u are jealous of me” – i can’t even picture what it means to talk on someone’s back. Unless back is new slang for phone. Then it makes sense.
  • “zack morris dead” – What?! NOOOO!!!!
  • “mustache do you recognise me now”  – I dunno about you, but I read this one like he was talking to his mustache, asking if it recognized him. They’ve been best friends for years, but last week he got a nose job and the mustache had no idea it was coming. Now he’s curious if the mustache knows it’s still him. No?

I’m A Guy and Even I Would Date Zack Morris!

Okay, why don’t we rewind a little bit so I can try to explain where this title is coming from.

My good friend Brenna has a blog, How I Met Ted Mosby, which is a great read. The other day she posted on her G-chat status, “Which TV character would you like to date?”  According to her most recent post, the responses poured in.  So much so that she turned the responses into a TV Boyfriend Bracket (on which the voting will begin soon).

Now, as a straight male, I have no desire to date any men, fictional or real. BUT, I am also comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that if I were interested in dating some fictional men, I know who they would be and why. Which brings me back to my title.

If you checked out the bracket by now, you’d see that Zack Morris is a 6 seed. Let me repeat that. A 6 SEED. This is a joke right? You’re telling me that there are at least 20 guys you would date before Zack Morris? No way. Unacceptable. Here are a few that made the list higher than the Preppy, from top left to bottom right going across : 1 Seed – Coach Taylor (no clue who he is), 2 Seed – Marshall Eriksen (seriously), 3 Seed – Chandler Bing (straight up goober), 4 Seed – Ben Wyatt (I’ll be coming back to him later).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re telling me that all of these guys (and 16 more!) are ranked higher than the Zackster in a dateability contest? I’ll believe that when Jessie Spano gets addicted to caffeine pills again (which will be never because we all learned a valuable lesson that day.)

I mean, let’s think about this for a few minutes. Putting aside the acid washed jeans, high top sneakers, striped button downs tucked in with no belt, and the most famous cell phone ever, Zack Morris is the catch of a lifetime.  Just look at his resume.

Zack Morris

Education

Bay Side High School – Class of 1993

1502 SAT Score

California University – Class of 1997

Entrepreneurial Ventures

Friendship Bracelets

Girls of Bayside Calendar

Zit-Off Acne Cream

Extracurricular Activities

Zack Attack (Band) – Hit Song “Friends Forever”

Varsity Basketball

Varsity Track

It doesn’t really get much better than that. He’s a savvy businessman, a varsity athlete, a rock star, and he keeps his friends off drugs. Every girl’s soulmate ever much? And if you’re not convinced yet, then consider this. If Zack was able to keep the unforgettable Kelly Kapowski wrapped around his finger for 6+ seasons, I’m pretty sure he can lock up a measly 1 Seed in this TV Boyfriend Bracket.

It doesn’t end there though. 64 guys. 64 guys and no Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World?!? That’s like having a list of the top 64 Best Hair Guys and not including Shawn Hunter. This has gone from a travesty to a travesty squared. He’s a bad boy who writes poetry. He’s the 1990’s version of the Fonzie but with better hair and less jukebox punching. For God’s sake, they called him “Lips” when he was on the quiz bowl TV show!

Oh, and I mentioned I would be coming back to Ben Wyatt. His real name is Adam Scott and he was actually on a few episodes of Boy Meets World as Griff Hawkins (such a sick name BTDubs). He became the school’s new badass for a while when Harley Keiner (his first name was actually Harvey but he never told anyone that) got shipped off to military school.

So that’s my take on TV guys and their dateability. I know you’re all going to have your own opinions. Well bring it on, that’s what the comment section is all about. Don’t forget to follow the blog so you can get each post in your email.