Grocery Shopping On A Diet = Groundhog Day
Let’s be honest, dieting is the worst. It makes everything around you boring as hell.
Your food is boring.
Your choice of restaurants is boring.
Your experimental cooking is boring.
And as I noticed this weekend, your grocery shopping is boring.
When you’re a kid/an adult who doesn’t care about his weight, grocery shopping is like a bi-weekly Christmas for your stomach. It’s exciting, refreshing, fulfilling, and you never know what amazing things you’re going to get. Think about it.
Is there anything more satisfying than knowing you’re going home to demolish a box of Shark Attack fruit snacks? I doubt it!
Is there anything more delightful than sitting down on your couch with a box of Goldfish and a can of Pepsi? No sir, there surely is not.
Is there anything more exciting in the world than the moment you toss a box of Fruity Pebbles into your shopping cart? I think not!
Yet, I haven’t done any of these things in what feels like an eternity! You know why? Because after a year and a half of grad school (by grad school, I mean late night pizza, weekly burritos, all-you-can-eat wings, and more beer than you can shake a keg tap at) I really let myself go and hit 227 on the scale. 227 I say! I finally went on a diet last January and dropped 30 lbs.
A little more recently, I put 16 of that back on, so now I’m back at it. That’s right folks, its Diet 2.0. Let me tell you, this diet is making my life so boring I almost fell asleep grocery shopping the other day. Here is what my cart contained:
- Carton of 18 eggs
- String cheese
- Gogurt (of course)
- Water
- 7 lbs of chicken
- 4 lb pot roast
- Baby carrots
- Peanut butter
- American cheese
- Turkey breast
- Granola bars
- Apples
That, my friends, is the definition of a depressing grocery cart. No joy, no excitement, no satisfaction! That is just straight up healthy food that will fill me up and keep me from becoming a chunky monkey again.
Clearly, now that I’m dieting again, grocery shopping has gone from one of the best stomach holidays to one of those holidays that you don’t even know why it exists. Grocery shopping is now Groundhog Day for your stomach and I don’t like it one bit! Someone save me from this torture and teach me how to lose weight by only eating Fruity Pebbles!
P.S. Greatest Day Ever Alert! I just googled “Fruity Pebbles diet” to find a good image and boom sauce! Instead, I found a diet where you can eat Fruity Pebbles and pancakes!!! I knew this blog would pay off someday! You’re welcome!
It's Your World, I'm Just Living In It 
I feel your pain. If it helps at all, I linked to you in my blog today. Don’t know if you notified of that by WordPress.
April 30, 2012 at 11:38 am
haha I saw that actually. I’ll be posting my sunshine award post next week, or maybe this week! Who knows!
April 30, 2012 at 11:39 am
The worst is going to COSTCO on a diet! Last time I went, my brother wouldn’t let me eat half of the samples (which, let’s be honest here, is 1 of only 2 reasons to go to Costco), and our shopping consisted of protein powder, fiber bars, greek yogurt, frozen veggies, fish oil pills, eggs, bananas, and multi-vitamins. So disappointing.
At least I got a hot dog (reason #2 for a Costco trip), I guess.
April 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm
haha i don’t think i could handle a wholesale store like that on a diet. The size of those cereal boxes alone would end my diet in 3 seconds. And you don’t even know how jealous i am about that hot dog. (wow that’s sad)
April 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Not sad– completely understandable. But then again, I’m a masochistic freak that watches the Food Network despite being on a diet. Rest assured, though, that I paid dearly for it on the treadmill that night!
May 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm
I am proud of your diet ADAM!!! I hope that is all natural PB you are eating….
April 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Thanks Lauren! it definitely is not all natural PB. It’s delicious PB.
April 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
It’s so hard!!!!!! Best of luck 🙂
April 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm
that’s what HE said?
April 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Bahahahahaha! If a girl is lucky he does 😉
April 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
haha i always start those situations with a “best of luck!”
April 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I have pretty much eaten salad for the last 4 months for lunch and I have not grown a twitching nose or fuzzy bunny tail yet – ha! I hit my mid-30s and it is constant maintenance. I stated that to a family member and they replied wait until you are my age and you have weekly appointments for some doctor or specialist. Oh Goodie something to look forward to and for now I will be getting my arse in the gym.
April 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm
haha is there anything less satisfying in the world than salads! I tried that for a while and I liked the taste but then I was hungry again in like 30 minutes. I couldn’t handle it anymore. See you at the gym!
May 2, 2012 at 9:23 am
haha is there anything less satisfying in the world than salads! I tried that for a while and I liked the taste but then I was hungry again in like 30 minutes. I couldn’t handle it anymore. See you at the gym!
May 2, 2012 at 9:23 am
Adam, that is one sad looking cart. That is some amazing restraint though, typically fruit snacks seem to just “jump” into my cart and give me puppy dog eyes, so you know, I just have to take them home with me.
April 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm
hahahaha it was the most pathetic cart I’ve ever seen. I left out the celery and onion though for my pot roast. Does that help?
May 2, 2012 at 9:24 am
agh i feel your pain. especially because i was BORN on groundhogs day! what a life.
May 1, 2012 at 12:26 pm
haha im sorry. It’s an amazing day!
May 2, 2012 at 9:24 am
also, can i reblog this? and do you have a contact email, i have a question about your blog? thanks!
May 1, 2012 at 12:26 pm
yes you can and yes i do, telian33@gmail.com
May 2, 2012 at 9:25 am
I eat popcorn for dinner most nights. It has nothing to do with the fact that I can’t cook, and everything to do with the fact that the three-minute meal is always amazeballs.
Good luck, and treat yourself to some fruit snacks every once in a while … just stay away from Fruit by the Foot, they’re killer!
May 2, 2012 at 2:42 pm
haha i love fruit by the foot! Do they still have fruit roll ups? Amazing!
May 2, 2012 at 9:47 pm
I did some “research,” and Fruit Roll-Ups still exist. You can even find some that tattoo your tongue — what will they think of next?
May 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm
wow that actually sounds awesome. I’ve always wanted a tongue tattoo!
May 7, 2012 at 9:23 am
Reblogged this on Hangry Hippo and commented:
Hilarious and true.
May 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm