Grocery Shopping On A Diet = Groundhog Day
Let’s be honest, dieting is the worst. It makes everything around you boring as hell.
Your food is boring.
Your choice of restaurants is boring.
Your experimental cooking is boring.
And as I noticed this weekend, your grocery shopping is boring.
When you’re a kid/an adult who doesn’t care about his weight, grocery shopping is like a bi-weekly Christmas for your stomach. It’s exciting, refreshing, fulfilling, and you never know what amazing things you’re going to get. Think about it.
Is there anything more satisfying than knowing you’re going home to demolish a box of Shark Attack fruit snacks? I doubt it!
Is there anything more delightful than sitting down on your couch with a box of Goldfish and a can of Pepsi? No sir, there surely is not.
Is there anything more exciting in the world than the moment you toss a box of Fruity Pebbles into your shopping cart? I think not!
Yet, I haven’t done any of these things in what feels like an eternity! You know why? Because after a year and a half of grad school (by grad school, I mean late night pizza, weekly burritos, all-you-can-eat wings, and more beer than you can shake a keg tap at) I really let myself go and hit 227 on the scale. 227 I say! I finally went on a diet last January and dropped 30 lbs.
A little more recently, I put 16 of that back on, so now I’m back at it. That’s right folks, its Diet 2.0. Let me tell you, this diet is making my life so boring I almost fell asleep grocery shopping the other day. Here is what my cart contained:
- Carton of 18 eggs
- String cheese
- Gogurt (of course)
- 7 lbs of chicken
- 4 lb pot roast
- Baby carrots
- Peanut butter
- American cheese
- Turkey breast
- Granola bars
That, my friends, is the definition of a depressing grocery cart. No joy, no excitement, no satisfaction! That is just straight up healthy food that will fill me up and keep me from becoming a chunky monkey again.
Clearly, now that I’m dieting again, grocery shopping has gone from one of the best stomach holidays to one of those holidays that you don’t even know why it exists. Grocery shopping is now Groundhog Day for your stomach and I don’t like it one bit! Someone save me from this torture and teach me how to lose weight by only eating Fruity Pebbles!
P.S. Greatest Day Ever Alert! I just googled “Fruity Pebbles diet” to find a good image and boom sauce! Instead, I found a diet where you can eat Fruity Pebbles and pancakes!!! I knew this blog would pay off someday! You’re welcome!