Top 5 Ways To Make My Day The Worst Ever

Welcome back to another installment of the Friday Top 5. As you may have noticed from my previous posts, like Top 5 Snobs and Reasons You Got Defriended, there are a lot of things that annoy me. I’m going to use this week’s FT5 to continue that trend. While the other posts were more about the people we all hate – hipsters, facebook stalkers, and Apple snobs – this is going to be a little different. For this Top 5, it’s more about the little things, usually out of anyone’s control that just have a way of quickly and efficiently ruining my day.

5. Finding Out Your Coffee Is Cold

It’s 10 AM, you’re sitting at your desk working. You’ve been sipping on your coffee for the last 30 minutes which has allowed you to hold off on eating your breakfast.  This, in turn, means you’ll be able to make it past noon before eating your lunch! That’s a great start to the day if you ask me. You can’t remember how long it’s been since you last sipped your coffee, but you’re yearning for more of that sweet, sweet nectar. You grab the mug, put it to your lips, and boom goes the dynamite – room temperature coffee. 

Talk about a surprise that can ruin your day!  Little known fact, room temperature coffee, or as I started calling it just before writing this sentence, RTC, is actually the leading cause of work place semi-upsetedness in America.

4. Noticing A Stain On The Way Out The Door

I don’t know about you guys, but in the morning I usually get dressed in the dark. As most of you know after reading, I’m Not An Adult and Here’s Why, I love my snooze button and I challenge myself to get ready as quickly as possible.  So usually, when I’m getting dressed, I’ve only been up for about 30 seconds and I keep my lights off to be kind to my eyes. I throw on my clothes, run upstairs, pack my lunch, and breakfast and head out the door, only to notice a small little stain left behind from my buffalo chicken last week.

Time to rewind! I sprint downstairs as I’m ripping off my shirt, rifle through my closet looking for something that goes with everything I’m already wearing. Boom, blue striped shirt? Done! I sprint back upstairs, run to the car, slide over the hood Luke Duke style, peel out and make it to work with 12.3 seconds to spare.

I’m just glad I didn’t show up with the stain on my shirt. It’s impossible to be taken seriously when that happens. It’s just like there’s a poppy seed in your teeth or a boogs in your nose. I’ve got no clue what you’re saying because I can’t take my eye off it. But here’s the rub. That shirt I tore off this morning? There’s a 97% chance I’m going to forget why it’s there, hang it back up in the closet, and go through this whole ordeal again next week.

3. The Coldest Bathing Suit In The World,

Its Day #2 of your beach vacation. Yesterday was awesome; you grilled, you drank, you threw a football at a group of girls and made a diving catch to impress them and convinced them to come back to your epic beach party to wrap up the summer with Stifler and the gang.

Anyway, after a long day of swimming and and relaxing, you toss your bathing suit on the bathroom floor and pass out. The next morning, everyone is ready to go at it again. You grab your bathing suit, slide it on, and then it hits you like a ton of wet bricks.

Your bathing suit is still wet. There is honestly no piece of clothing that is worst to wear than a wet bathing suit. It’s cold and it’s heavy and it’s just terrible. Honestly, I assume death just feel like one giant wet bathing suit.

2. You’re Missing An Ingredient

In some of my posts, I’ve made it clear that I am not the best cook in the world. I’m still learning my way around the kitchen, but one mistake that I have made dozens of times and I’m sure you have too is starting something without being properly equipped.  A couple nights ago, I decided I would treat myself, so I poured a bowl of my favorite cereal in the world, Grape Nuts Fruity Pebbles. Unfortunately, I didn’t put the in necessary leg work.  I soon realized, as I opened the refrigerator, I had no milk! No freaking milk!

Ever wonder what it would be like to run down stairs on Christmas morning and see no presents under the tree? I did, then I poured that bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Now I know exactly what that would feel like: epic disappointment, utter failure, and a tiny bit of your soul dying. It doesn’t even matter that you get milk the next day and eat that bowl, it’s too late, that was the worst day ever.

PS I’ve also done this with PB&J (forgot the J), made meat for a spaghetti meat sauce (forgot the sauce), and made a hotdog (no buns or bread).

I seriously can not believe I found a picture this perfect!

And the number 1 way to ruin my day…

1. I Try To Impress You With A Stat And You Crush Me!

Example Conversation:

Me: Hey! So guess how many pounds I’ve lost this month on my diet.

Day Ruiner: I dunno, like 15?

Me: No… 6. Whatever.

Here’s a breakdown of what just happened. I asked a question with an answer that I assumed would impress my friend. My friend realized that so he, in turn, guessed an answer that would impress him. Unfortunately, the real answer has not broken his “I’m impressed threshold.”  So now I’m just a loser for thinking I’m impressive when Im not and on top of it , I’m mad at myself for not losing 15 pounds this month.

Day = Worst Ever!

April 6, 2012 | Categories: Grab Bag | Tags: bathing suit, clothes, coffee, cold, cold coffee, comedy, cooking, count down, day ruined, friday top 5, FT5, funny, humor, ingredients, kitchen, recipe, ruin, stains, statistics, stats, swimming, wet | 6 Comments