Top 5 Road Rage Inducing Drivers. P.S. I Hate You

It’s that time again, here is your Friday Top 5. And yes, once again it is about people that everyone hates. I’m starting to see a pattern emerging here. Anyway, I know you’re all with me on this one. There are certain things some people do that just fill you with a white hot ball of rage when you’re driving, and these are them.

5.  I Use My Blinker While Merging

This one isn’t as annoying as much as it is just a sign that you’re an idiot. You’re getting on to the highway via an on ramp, you’re lane is about to end and you’re going to move over. Oh, you’re blinker is on relaying the fact that you’re getting onto the highway?! Thank you so much! I couldn’t decipher that information solely based on the fact that you are currently coming off the ON RAMP! 

You know what? This actually pisses me off for two reasons. One, it shows you’re an idiot. Two, and more importantly, it shows you think I’m an idiot. Guy, you’re getting on the highway, I get it. It’s like swinging a bat in baseball and yelling, “I’m trying to hit the ball!” as you do it. It’s just embarrassing.

4. Speed Limit x .75 = Comfortable Pace

“Go. Go! GO!!! OMG GO!!!!!!” I know I’m not the only person that has screamed this while driving 30 in a 40 MPH zone. It’s mind boggling that some people have no problem driving slow and being late everywhere they go.  Do they not understand how speed limits work or are they actually afraid to go faster? I’m genuinely curious. 40 Speed limit means 45! Hurry the frank up or pull over so I can speed up super fast for like 12 feet until I hit 45 then hit the brakes staring you down the whole way.

3. OH NO! Yellow Light!!

“Quick! Slam on the brakes! The light is going to turn red in 3 seconds and we’re 10 feet from the intersection!”  Here’s something you may not know about me. I love squeezing yellow lights, its one of my favorite pastimes. In fact, I just “liked” it on Facebook. So you can understand how much I hate it when people steal that opportunity from me by being pansies. I see that yellow light, I speed up a tad, the combination of excitement and fear causes me to pee my pants a little bit and it’s all for naught. It turns out the person in front of me is allergic to running yellow lights and comes to an abrupt,  unnecessary, annoying halt right in front of me. Really guy? Grow up. It’s a freaking yellow light! Yellow means go in Spanish for God’s sake!

2. I Switch Lanes For No Reason

Once again, this is just a sign that you are an idiot. This isn’t about being cautious or afraid of driving. This is just a pure, “Hey, look at me. I’m doing something for no reason whatsoever and it’s annoying and I’m stupid in the face.”  I will never understand someone going from the left lane to the middle lane with no one in front of them. Like are you racing yourself? Is this Ghost Mode in Super Mario 64? I doubt it is, but if it is, you’re safe, you can drive through your ghost self with no damage.

This is especially annoying when I’m in the lane next to them and about to pass them and they just decide, “Oh, it’s 4:54 pm? Time for my random lane switch. Oh, Adam’s behind me? Oh well. He can just blog about this later I guess.” To be honest, I doubt that entire thought has actually  gone through someone’s head but you get the picture.

And the number 1 road rage inducing driver is…

1. I Leave My Blinker On ADED (All Day Every Day)

ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE WORLD: “I am oblivious to things happening inside my own car, so don’t expect me to notice anything going on outside my car!”

Seriously, that’s what you’re saying to the people around you when you leave your blinker on. You’re telling me that you can’t see a bright green light flashing and clicking literally 2 feet away from your face yet I should trust you driving 2,000 pounds of steel near me? (Is that how much cars weigh? I honestly have no idea.)

No sir, not gonna happen. But it’s okay. I’ve found a way to solve this problem and make them feel stupid at the same time. When I see an idiot like this on the road, first I yell at them for never turning or switching lanes. Then when I realize they just left their blinker on, I feel bad because I just yelled at someone that clearly has some sort of mental disability. I mean, what else could explain being that oblivious to your surroundings. Anyway, what I do is I get in front of them and then put my blinker on. I’ll leave it on for about 30 seconds. Then shut it off and put the other blinker on. And so on and so forth forever and ever and ever.

This usually has one of three outcomes. One, they get super pissed at me for leaving my blinker on and then we’re even. Two, they get mad for a second, only to realize that their blinker is on and they realize what an awful person they have been, write me an apology letter and take me to dinner. Three, they leave their blinker on forever, until they reach their final destination, Ft. Lauderdale Hell.

Well that’s my list. I apologize if any of my readers are drivers like these ones. I’m not sorry that I offended you, I’m sorry to my other readers that I have attracted someone like that to my blog. I promise it won’t happen again.

PS I think we all know that most of the road rage inducers come from the same group. I don’t mean to be racist, but we really need to do something about these white males and their inability to drive. It’s getting a little absurd.

8 responses

  1. Lol, Lmao, Rofl, and if I knew more, then I would have listed them. When I tell you this made me spit out what I was drinking because it was so freaking hilarious, but so true all at the same time. I tweeted, liked, pinned, and googled+ it as fast as my screen would let me! Hi, my name is Lovebug and I, too have a problem….lol!! I have severe road rage and I am so trying to recover from it, but everything you listed irks the living ish out of me. Glad to know I am not in this boat alone. Excellent Friday post!! Oh and by the way, I have a “My Biggest 5 Pet Peeves” on my blog of the things that irritate me and you guessed it…horrible drivers are on my list, too!! Happy Friday!

    May 4, 2012 at 10:52 am

    • Hahah thanks so much for the comment, I’m glad you like it/shared it/spit your coffee all over it. I just wish the people that actually do this stuff would read this and be like, wow I really am an idiot. But they never do, because they’re too busy leaving their blinkers on and driving slow. I’m definitely going to check out that pet peeves list. I’m sure we’re on the same page.

      May 4, 2012 at 11:01 am

  2. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY disagree with the first one. While I understand what you are frustrated about, unfortunately it is against the law to change lanes without signaling. When you enter a highway, you are changing lanes and therefore must signal. Anytime you are entering a flow of traffic and not travelling at the same speed, you must indicate that you are entering the flow of traffic.

    And now I’ve probably added a sixth type of driver that you hate – pretentious person who obediently follows every rule of the road (aka comes to a complete stop at all stop signs, even if no one else is there; refuses to ever turn right on red; always stops for pedestrians in crosswalks; etc).

    Also, you forgot the idiots that stop at Yield signs. A Yield sign means, allow others to have the right of way but proceed with care. I HATE people that stop at Yield signs.

    May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

  3. thanks again for the belly laugh!!!

    May 4, 2012 at 10:29 pm

  4. For the record, in NJ, if you don’t put on your blinker when coming off the on-ramp, the idiot NJ drivers won’t let you in and will literally cause you to run off the road and end up in a flock of Canadian Geese.

    May 8, 2012 at 3:27 pm

  5. julia

    “ghost mode” – LOL. also, remember your rear view mirror the side of Texas? I miss that thing.

    May 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    • yes. i still have it. that thing has saved me from plenty of accidents.

      May 17, 2012 at 1:45 pm

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