Posts tagged “fun

Chef Telian Vs. The Kitchen!

I eat chicken…and lots of it! It’s easy, it tastes good, and pretty much everything goes with it.  But I think it’s time for me to exit early 20’s cooking, and enter mid 20’s cooking.  I’ve begun to experiment a little with some new sauces (by that I mean buffalo, teryaki, and BBQ out of a bottle), a couple of pork chops here and there – I even bought some ground turkey the other day and cooked it up into some Ragu with pasta. Nailed it!

Here’s the thing.  I’m curious if am I the only one doing this? And by this, I mean cooking the most basic things ever over and over again. I mean, have you guys already figured out the kitchen, what tastes good, what the hell fennel is, and how to cook portions smaller than a weeks worth of food?  If so, good for you! I’m proud/jealous of you and I’m a little upset you haven’t invited me over for dinner.  If not, I think we’ve both got a lot of learning to do.

The question I’m struggling with is where do I learn to cook? Do I just buy a cook book and do what it says? Do I just get random ingredients and start splashing them around the kitchen like an episode of Wet, Wild, and Crazy Kids?

Or do I just go with the classic, ask Mom!

Having said all that, I have to admit that I have learned a couple things along this journey throughout the kitchen and I’m going to share them with you.  And don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted with my progress and if I some day happen upon a successful recipe, I promise to share it with you, pictures and all.

Now before I get to Adam’s Lessons of the Kitchen, I will recognize the fact that I don’t know anything and that me giving advice to the world on cooking is like me giving advice to the world on not being awesome but still.  Here’s a couple things I stick to when I’m cooking.  (I didn’t originally plan on making these rhyme, but the first one did so I thought I’d just keep it going.)

Smaller pieces of chicken = Yum! Finger Lickin’! 

Cut your chicken up and cook it in a pan instead of cooking whole chicken breasts in the oven.  I just learned that one recently and it has revolutionized my world! No more struggling through the thick part of a boneless chicken breast because none of the seasoning/sauce made it in there and it’s just boring old (literally old, I make chicken for the whole week) baked chicken.  Oh no, now every bite I take is covered in what ever sauce my little heart desires!

Eggs AFTER bacon, delicious breakfast (or brinner) you’ll be makin’!

Yup, added bacon to my repertoire this year.  I know what you’re thinking, what’s so hard about making bacon.  And I’ll tell you… nothing!  No clue why I waited so long to start making it but I did so just deal with it.  Anyway, cooking those scrambled/fried eggs in bacon grease? It doesn’t get much better than that.  If it does, I don’t wanna know because I probably won’t be able to cook it and that’ll just make me sad.

For flavor that never ends, you must marinate my friends!

DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying you should marinate my friends, I don’t know how that would improve your cooking. Unless of course you’re cooking and eating my friends, then I guess it does apply here. But I’d have to ask you to stop doing that because I don’t have many friends and the more I lose to your insatiable appetite, the less I’ll have to high five.

Not really much to say here, just marinate that chicken! Let Sir Clucksalot soak up the delicious goodness before you cook him so you don’t just burn it all away in the pan.

As always, my ears/eyes are open.  If you have any suggestions or lessons that you have learned a long the way on your journey in the kitchen, I’d love to hear them.  My cousin Derek suggested I bread my pork chops next time I make them and so I’m going to give it a shot.  Any ideas like that are more than welcomed.

Don’t forget to enter your email on the right so you can get these sweets little nuggets in your inbox.

Here’s an additional video for you. I realize it has absolutely nothing to do with this post but I found it while searching Wet, Wild, and Crazy Kids and it’s just too good not to post.

It’s Time To Make The Coffee

I’m just going to get straight to the point here.  I bought a coffee maker today and I’m pretty excited.  Now, as you all know, I’m convinced I’m not an adult yet and based on my last few posts I’m sure I’ve convinced you all as well.  Nonetheless, I bought this coffee maker, which I believe to be a sign that I’m headed in the right direction.

Coffee in the morning = A staple of adulthood.  Drinking coffee in the morning is on the same level as watching the weather channel when the weather is fine.  It just says to the world, “Sup, I’m an adult yo.”  Maybe not in those exact words, but you know what I’m saying.

Here’s the best part.  Actually there are two best parts.

Here’s the best part part 1.  Not only do I get to feel like an adult by making/drinking coffee in the morning everyday, but I’ll also get to look like an adult because I’ll have my stainless steel coffee mug letting everyone around me know I’m an adult.  Yeah, you look at the mug and it says, “Sup, this guy sipping from me is an adult yo.” Maybe not in those exact words, but you know what I’m saying.

And here’s the best part part 2. Last week I wrote about not being an adult because I wasn’t a morning person.  Well I feel like this is going to help turn that around.  I think having coffee to drink in the morning will make me want to get out of bed earlier and be a real human person.  Because we all know, the best part of waking up, is Folger’s in your cup! (Actually, I’ll probably by Dunkin Donuts brand coffee, but you get the picture.)

Now to be honest, I have absolutely no clue if this is going to change anything at all.  For all I know, I may never use this thing and it could be a complete waste of money. Luckily, I bought it from Barnes and Noble where I had a $50 gift card so it’s a win win! I should have it by the end of the week, and will be enjoying from

So starting next week, I will be drinking some delicious coffee made every morning by this one cup master of the dark roast. Can’t wait to tell you all about it.

P.S. I know what you’re all thinking.  The step forward taken towards adulthood by buying a coffee maker is negated by the fact that I bought this coffee maker from Barnes & Noble. Just be quiet.

P.P.S. If you have any suggestions on the type of coffee and/or creamers I should buy I’m all ears. I love to mix things up a little.

If You’re Looking For A Job, I Know You Feel My Pain

No soup for you.

Its not you, its me.

License and registration.

What are these phrases? Oh, they’re only some of the worst things you can ever hear as a person.  It’s not you, its me? Shut up! Of course, its me! License and registration eh? Sir yes sir. Lovely weather we’re having, could I polish your shoes? No soup for me? Come on!

But there is one phrase that is worse than all of these.  It can crush a man’s soul, leave him weeping in a corner, cursing the gods, more confused than the average person listening to dub step. One phrase that leads to one inevitable statement and question.  That doesn’t even make sense! How is that possible?

You’re overqualified for the position.

Who? Little ole me? You must be mistaken. I can’t be overqualified for this position.  I’m an idiot! What? These degrees? They’re nothing. I faked them. Look, I’ll rip up the diploma right now.  Just give me the job! I’m overqualified? You’re overqualified!

Honestly, is there anything more infuriating to hear then to not get a job because you’re too awesome, too smart, too invested in your career, too in debt with school loans?  I would much rather be told that there was a better candidate or that I had a booger in my nose during than interview than to hear I’m too good.

Sorry Adam, we didn’t draft you into the MLB because you throw too hard.  Sorry sir, you didn’t win the lottery, you’re numbers were too exactly right.  Sorry God, you can’t be God, you’re too omnipotent.

It’s just amazing.  You spend weeks and months scouring the internet for a job that you’re qualified for that you won’t hate. A job that you should get hands down.

  • Bachelors degree from an accredited four year school. Major in business or marketing preferred – CHECK
  • 1-2 years experience in a related field – CHECK
  • The ability to meet deadlines, manage multiple projects, and learn on the job – CHECK
  • Proficiency in Microsoft Office – CHECK
  • The ability to breathe – CHECK
  • A pulse – CHECK
  • Knees – CHECK

Could I possibly have this job locked down any more?

Apparently yes.  I could have not done 4 internships and I could have not gone to school for an extra 2years to earn 2 Masters degrees. How stupid of me!

I wish HR managers around the world could read this right now because there is nothing more disheartening to hear that you didn’t get a job because you’re overqualified.  You clearly are in need of an employee. You obviously realize that I am qualified for the job.  Instead of giving it to some schmo that is less qualified than me, how about you just give me the job and more responsibility. Ever think of that?

I love this job market. Here’s what I’ve been able to gather in the last year.

  1. The masters degree is supposedly the new bachelors degree.
  2. A masters degree makes me too qualified for a job I couldn’t have gotten 3 years ago with just a bachelors degree.
  3. If I had just sat at home for 3 years, waiting for the job market to crash, I’d be perfectly qualified for hundreds of jobs!

So thank you world for proving once again that you’re an awful place.